What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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