On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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