Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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