wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
