i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
