oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
