your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
