definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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