I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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