shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
