The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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