I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
