so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
