hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
