On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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