I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
