There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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