pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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