Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
