Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
