I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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