Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So squirting runs in the family.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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