Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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