arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
