she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
