It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
