no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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