Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
