There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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