:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
