She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
