she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
