is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize