So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
