That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
