remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
