You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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