Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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