I wish I only lived at night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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