Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
