Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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