I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Two words: blizzard sex
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
