i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
