first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
