for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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