Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
