eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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