So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize