thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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