On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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