she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
