i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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