I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
