They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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