Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
