good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
