you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
