How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize