Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
