do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
