He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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