If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
