K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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