rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
