So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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