have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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