i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
