Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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