Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
