you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize