Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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