I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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